Losing All He Ever Loved
by Dara Tavar
Summary: After Kate's death, Tony learns that he wasn't the only one keeping at least one secret and remembering some of the times at work isn't helping him push away the pain of losing her either. Losing Kate shows Tony just how much she meant to him.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first NCIS story I've done and I've had it finished for several weeks but was busy posting other stories and doing other things that I just never had the chance to upload it. Well, I don't have anything else to say except that I would appreciate no rude comments left. If you don't like it, don't finish it. Enjoy!  
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**Dara Tavar  
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**Losing All He Ever Loved**

"Kate!" Gibbs called, running to where she lay on her side, unmoving.

Tony reached her first. He knelt down as he put his pistol away, reaching out to gently roll her over as Gibbs knelt beside him. He fought to smother the panic that was threatening to bubble up within him…and losing. When her eyes flickered he knew she was at least alive, so he unzipped her jacket and pushed the material out of his way to locate the small bullet. Seeing it, in her vest, he felt relief wash over him.

Gibbs let out the relieved sigh Tony wished he could.

"You ok?" Tony asked softly, attempting to mask his concern for her.

"Ow!" Kate groaned, making a face as she turned her head so she could see Tony. She fought the smile she wanted to send him, seeing the worry in his eyes, and stuck with being sarcastic. "I just got shot at, at point blank range DiNozzo, what do you think?" she asked, trying to remain indifferent, distant to him.

"You're not going to palates class tomorrow?" he suggested with a slight grin. He knew she was going to be ok if she could still play the role of his teasing, irritating co-worker.

"Ow!" she groaned again before letting out another groan as Tony and Gibbs helped her climb to her feet.

"Protection detail is over Kate." Gibbs told her in a 'no-argument' tone…but he still sounded relieved and the hint of a smile lingered in his blue eyes and at the corners of his mouth. He reached down and pushed her jacket to the side, examining the bullet.

Tony fought the slight jealousy, feeling that it should be him digging that bullet out instead of Gibbs…but he knew that he couldn't do that. So he thought of what a brave thing she'd done, and found himself smiling…grinning really. "You did good." He told her, barely keeping his true feelings out of the words.

Kate glanced at him over her shoulder. Her eyes were soft, caring…and grateful. She knew it was hard for him to stay quiet at times like these, but he did it for her.

"For once, DiNozzo's right." Gibbs' voice brought her back, and made her turn to him. He almost had the bullet out now, but glanced up to smile lightly at her.

Kate laughed, sending Tony a look. Her eyes were dancing. She looked at Gibbs as he straightened, almost completely done fishing the bullet out of her vest. "Wow! I thought I'd die before I ever heard a compliment-" her words were cut off when something hit her…hard. But, the pain was gone in an instant…and she felt nothing.

Tony never expected the bullet to hit her in the forehead, splattering him with her blood. And when it did, he didn't know what happened at first. All he knew was that, one moment Kate was standing next to him, taunting him…and the next she was gone, lying on the ground at his feet.

Gibbs, on the other hand, was only caught off-guard for a moment. The minute he realized it was Kate's blood he'd been sprayed with, his hand shot to the pistol and he pulled it out, aiming at the building next to the one they stood on and scanning the rooftop for any sign of movement.

Tony felt a numbness settle over him as he looked down at Kate's still form. A blood pool had started where her head lay and there was one spot of blood on her forehead. His eyes shot to Gibbs, confusion written all over his face and realization slow in coming.

Gibbs finally gave up looking for Ari and turned to look down at Kate. "I didn't see anyone." He told Tony quietly, who was scanning the top of the building as Gibbs had just done.

Gibbs called in backup and had them search the next building, finding nothing, before calling Ducky and McGee. He never said a word about who it was they were mainly interested in getting off the roof, but just said "Dead bodies…get up here now," and hung up.

Tony stood there, shell shocked through all of Gibbs' phone calls…before finally sinking to his knees beside her, staring down at her and feeling sick to his stomach. He couldn't breathe, his heart pounded in his chest and it twisted in agony.

Everything went by in a blur. All he could see was her face, frozen in a shocked expression.

Somewhere in his brain, he noted when Ducky got there, then McGee, and finally Gibbs came to stand before him. Whatever he told Tony, he never heard…his eyes were locked on where Kate's body had been, not moments ago.

"She's gone." He whispered over and over again, unable to believe the words. The more he whispered them to himself, the worse the pain in his chest grew, the more his heart constricted with agony, the more his soul cried for her while his heart wept…but through all his pain, a small bud of resentment built up. It was small and unnoticeable now…but as his pain grew, so did his hatred for the man that had stolen her away from him.

Somewhere in his mind, he registered Gibbs telling him to go to the lab…but he never listened. He just sat there…until Gibbs forced him to move, walking him away and leading him to the car.

**- -**

Tony sat in his desk, staring blankly at the papers in front of him. He'd done everything he knew he was supposed to, going through the motions on auto-pilot, without thought.

He noticed Gibbs was acting different, less hostile. But as Gibbs acted nicer, he acted meaner and there was never any teasing in his words.

Abby acted to giddy at first…and then stated to snap at him. But his pain and anger over losing Kate made him act less like the old Tony. But, he tried baiting Gibbs, tried acting like the old Tony…all in hopes of forgetting the pain, forgetting the anger.

His mind had wandered several times to what all had happened the past few days…his last days with Kate, and he'd not known it…

"_Looks like a professional hit." He murmured, looking the bodies over and held his sketch pad in his hands. "Probably took the hands to confirm the kill." He suggested, trying to keep his thoughts on the case instead of the woman next to him._

"_McGee told me what you said," was her curt, slightly angry reply. She crossed her arms over her chest and regarded him with an angered look, almost looking betrayed._

_Tony looked over at her, taking in her expression and feeling suddenly wary. "Did he now?" he asked nonchalantly, trying to sound distant since McGee could return at any moment. When she didn't smile, when her expression didn't even lighten, he stepped closer to her with a quiet laugh. "Oh come on! I was joking around. I didn't really think he'd believe me."_

"_Really?" she asked sweetly, but still unsmiling. "And why's that?" He knew very well what all they'd done on that trip, but no one else needed to know…they kept everything to themselves so far, so why was jeopardizing that by saying something to people?_

_Tony knew he was on rocky ground. She was mad at him, and he had a pretty good idea what McGee had told her to make her so upset. "Anyone looking at you can tell your breasts are real." He told her, knowing that they didn't only look real, but that they were._

_Kate glanced down with wide eyes before shooting him a glare. "What! You told him I had breast implants?" she hissed angrily._

_Tony hesitated, realizing his mistake. That wasn't the thing McGee had said to her, and he'd made a fatal error in assuming that it had been. He let out a nervous laugh and sent her a smile meant to disarm. "No."_

"_You know what Tony…I can't even believe I worried about you!" she cried angrily, feeling slightly hurt. "You're nothing but a giant-"_

"_Snake!" Tony cut her off, staring down at the ground._

"_Yeah, exactly." She replied with a slight nod, glad that they were on the same page._

"_No…big, big, big, big snake…down there." He told her quietly, pointing down at her feet._

_Kate looked down in confusion. When her eyes landed on the red and black snake between her feet she let out a frightened cry, flinching as her breath hitched in fear. "Tell me it's not poisonous." She pleaded._

"_I think it is." He replied gently, never taking his eyes off the snake slowly curling around her ankle._

_She let out a frightened whine, squeezing her eyes shut. "Eww…what's it doing?" she asked hurriedly, opening her eyes to look at his expression._

"_It's wrapping around your leg." He responded calmly, knowing that he shouldn't be frightening her so but feeling the need to make her anger with him go away._

_She let out a frightened whimper, and he wished it wasn't because of fear…but they were at work, and nothing could happen here. "Do something Tony." She begged._

"_Ok, I'm going to try and grab it. Just, don't make any sudden moves, ok?" he asked as he slowly knelt before her and reached for the snake._

"_What if you miss it?" she asked, looking down at his head and sounding panicked._

"_They do this stuff on the discovery channel all the time. How hard could it be?" he asked easily, hoping to calm her down some so that she wasn't so frightened._

"_Oh no. Screw it! I'm going to shoot it." She replied, pulling out her pistol and taking aim at the dreadful reptile currently winding itself around her calf._

"_Hey!" he cried, looking up at her, glancing at the gun she held. "Put that gun away. You're going to blow your foot off. Let me do this." He wrapped his fingers around her calf in a calming gesture while holding on to the head of the snake his other hand. He really was afraid she might shoot herself…and he didn't want her hurting herself for something stupid that he'd done._

_Kate put the gun back on safety as she slid it back into the holster. "My life in your hands…I always knew it was going to end this way." She muttered, glancing over her shoulder just in case McGee was there._

_Tony glanced up at her and saw fear in her eyes…but also trust. She knew he wouldn't let anything harm her. "Quiet! You're making me nervous." He replied, barely keeping a smile off his face and the pleasure from his voice at seeing the complete trust on her face._

_She let out another whimper and squeezed her eyes closed. She felt Tony's fingers grazing her skin…and was almost distracted enough to forget that they were working and there was a snake currently wrapped around her lag that he was trying to get off her…almost._

"_Now…almost there." He murmured to himself, but knew she would hear him. He pulled the snake away from her and forced his eyes to widen and looked on the snake with a little bit of fear…though he knew there was nothing to be afraid of._

_He wondered, not for the first time, if her parents had ever taught her the saying, _'If red touches yellow you're a dead fellow, if red touches black you're ok Jack,'_ but it was apparent that they hadn't since she was afraid of the snake in his hands and believed it to be poisonous._

"_Get it off!" she cried in a high pitched voice. When she felt Tony's fingers brush her leg once more, then disappear, she glanced down at him. Seeing the snake in safely in his hands, she sighed in relief. "Oh God…" she murmured._

"_Gottcha!" Tony stated triumphantly, looking up at her with a wide grin._

"_Ok, I'll give you this much, you do have your moments." She informed him, refusing to smile down at him…but she knew he saw the smile in her eyes._

_Tony chuckled. "So, are we friends again?" he asked hopefully, glancing to the snake in his hands._

_A smile started to curve her lips. "Were we ever?" she asked in a voice only he could hear, causing his grin to widen a bit._

"_Oh cool, Corn Snake!" Tim McGee's excited voice came from behind Kate. "Can I hold him?" he asked, looking down at Tony with a hopeful expression._

"_No! It's poisonous McGee." Kate told him before turning back to Tony, fighting a smile again._

"_Uh, no…actually they're not Kate." McGee said in a slightly confused voice, looking over at her._

_Tony felt panic start to rise. "Yes they are McGee." He stated warningly, looking at him. When Kate's look turned slightly suspicious he knew all hope was lost._

Tony felt his heart give a twist at the memory. She may have been mad at him then, but when he told them about the bomb he could still remember the panic and worry that was in her voice when she said they wouldn't leave him…and then when she screamed him name when the bomb actually exploded.

**- -**

The next thing Tony knew, he was in the elevator, going down to autopsy with Gibbs. Gibbs had said that was where he was going, and that he wanted Tony to stay there…but he wasn't going to listen to him. He knew needed to go down there…to know everything.

"What can you tell us?" Gibbs asked the moment they were through the doors. The anger in his voice was palpable, he didn't try to mask it or hide it…he wanted everyone to know his resentment for Ari.

Everything Ducky said registered somewhere in his mind…but for the moment nothing actually registered in his thoughts. All he could do was stare down at her and try to push away the pain, with little effect since it was still there…eating away at him from the inside out.

Finally though, something that Ducky said penetrated the thick haze around him.

"Jethro…" Ducky began, sounding like this was the last thing he wanted to say to the man. He hesitated a little longer, before letting out a sigh and just telling him. "She was pregnant."

Tony's head shot up even as Gibbs nearly yelled, "She was _what!_"

Ducky shifted uncomfortably. "She was pregnant Jethro…going to have a child."

He looked down at her now peaceful face. "How far along was she?" Tony found himself asking in a pained whisper, unable to take his eyes off of her.

Ducky and Gibbs glanced at him. "About two months along. She would have just recently found out." He replied, watching Tony as he stared down at Kate.

"I want to know who the father is! Get a DNA sample up to Abby and tell her I want the results…pronto!" he shouted, turning on his heel and starting toward the doors.

"Already done Jethro!" Ducky called after him, shaking his head as the doors closed behind the other man.

Tony stared down at Kate's face, thinking of the last time they'd been in this room together.

"_I'm telling you, I'm fine." Tony growled around the thermometer in his mouth, glancing over at Ducky._

"_One-thirty-six over eighty-four is not good for you Tony. Your blood pressure is high." Ducky replied curtly, glancing down at the results of his examination._

"_Almost getting blown up tends to do that to me…not to mention hanging around Kate when she's in one of her moods." He taunted, looking over at her._

"_This isn't funny DiNozzo." Kate replied angrily, barely masking the worry in her voice…not to mention the terror that still lingered over nearly losing Tony…again._

_Ducky removed the thermometer from Tony's mouth. "No, it's not. If I didn't come to work today, it would be you and McGee laying over there on one of those tables." He responded, keeping the relief at the thought out of his voice._

_Ducky kept his eyes on the thermometer. "At least your temperature is pretty normal." He put in, hoping to stop their fighting._

"_Yeah, I'm good to go." Tony smiled a little as he slid off the table. The moment his feet hit the floor his knees buckled a little and he groaned in pain._

_Ducky studied him for a moment, looking down at his knees then back up at his face. "Muscle soreness?" he asked, looking back down at Tony's knees as he straightened a little._

"_Only when I move or breath." He replied in a slightly breathless voice, holding on to the autopsy table as he tried to regain some of his strength. He would not look weak in front of Kate._

"_Yes, clearly you haven't quite recovered from your bout with white pestis…you need a rest." Ducky informed him in a professional voice, with just a hint of concern._

"_No, I need to get back to work." Tony replied, rolling down his sleeves as he ignored the doctor's concern for his safety. He didn't care if he needed to rest…he'd not seen Kate in a week, since she told him he needed his rest and she wasn't going to be there to distract him, and it was killing him. He'd not been away from her this long._

_Kate let out an angry sigh, but her eyes were worried. "Dammit Tony…I should just take you home and get you in bed." She glared at him, trying to fight her worry for him._

_Ducky looked up at Tony, his eyebrows rising before they both turned to look at Kate. Tony's response was to arch one brow at her._

_Kate felt her cheeks start to burn at the look of amusement on Ducky's face…but even more so from the heated look in Tony's eyes. "Ok, that didn't come out the way I intended." She tried to backtrack quickly._

"_What didn't Kate?" Gibbs asked from behind her, walking over to stop right in front of her with a curious look on his face._

"_Oh I…I was just saying…." She stuttered, laughing nervously. She tried to smile as she turned to look at Tony and Ducky, sending them a pleading look._

"_She was just, uh…expressing, uh…concern for Tony." Ducky forced out, gesturing to him when Tony didn't say anything, but instead only watched Kate with a slowly growing smile._

"_Yeah, how is he?" Gibbs asked, turning to look at the younger man._

"_Stubborn, pigheaded, and unaware of his own limitations." Ducky replied, sounding more irritated as he went on. He sent a glare Tony's way._

"_Sounds about right." Gibbs replied with a slight grin, looking at Tony. He turned on his heel and walked around the autopsy table Tony had been sitting on and toward the other tables with the charred bodies on them._

"_I haven't finished with you yet." Ducky growled angrily as he passed Tony and started after Gibbs._

_But Tony didn't really hear him; he was focused on Kate with that knowing slightly smug smile growing on his face. He sent her a slightly taunting look._

"_Got a positive ID here Duck?" Gibbs asked from where he was standing on the other side of the room._

_He slowly walked closer to Kate. "A place I've missed more than I'd admit to anyone but you." He whispered before raising his voice a little so the others could hear. "Dinner first or should we go back to your-" he was cut off when she elbowed him in the ribs._

"_Shut it Tony." She hissed at him. But her eyes softened as she looked up at him and they moved around to where Gibbs stood with Ducky. "I've missed you too." She whispered back, so only he could hear her._

"I'm going up to talk to Abby." Tony whispered, his throat feeling blocked. He sent one last look down at Kate before slowly turning and walking away.

He made his way to Abby's lab, still moving mostly on auto-pilot…but his head was turning. Kate was pregnant, had been pregnant…and she'd not told him. How could she not have told him something this important?

"Abbs…" he stated quietly, to get her attention. He stood two feet away from her, looking over his shoulder as she worked on DNA comparisons.

She jumped and spun around, her left hand covering her heart and the vein in her neck ticking wildly. "Anthony DiNozzo!" she cried, trying for a stern voice but sounding breathless. "Only Gibbs does that to me…and I'm learning to tell when he's trying. Though he usually succeeds anyways." She grumbled.

He tried for a smile and failed. "I wanted to talk to you about the DNA comparisons you're doing."

Abby turned back to the computer. "I can't believe Kate was pregnant…she never said anything." She whispered. "I mean, we were close. I really liked her." She spun back around, tears in her eyes. "I'm going to miss her Tony."

"So am I Abbs…so am I…" he whispered. "More than you know…" he added, his eyes on the computer screen behind her. He cleared his throat and looked at her again. "Anyways, I came here to tell you someone that you can run the DNA against. It might match."

She straightened. "If I have their DNA to test it against, then I'll do it."

The corner of his mouth curved in a sad smile. "Oh, you have his DNA alright." He stated quietly, looking back at the computer screen once again.

Her brows drew together. "Did Kate tell you she was pregnant?" she asked, a little hurt at the thought that she would tell Tony before she told her.

Tony swallowed hard. "No, she didn't say anything to me."

There was a pain Abby didn't understand in his voice…just a soft under current, but she heard it. For some reason, Kate's not telling him about her being pregnant hurt him, badly.

Tony looked into Abby's eyes for a moment, hesitating, before looking to the computer screen once again. "Run the…baby's DNA," he forced the words out, feeling his heart constrict with pain at the thought, "against mine."

Abby looked confused for a moment. "Yours? But why?" she asked, tilting her head to the side as she studied him. And then it hit her. She straightened, looking concerned and even sadder then before. "Oh Tony…I'm so sorry." She whispered.

He waited as she ran the results…but he already knew the answer.

Abby glanced over at his face, biting her lower lip. "Tony…" she whispered, but he didn't take his eyes off the results. "What do you want me to tell Gibbs?" she asked.

Tony looked at her, and knew from her expression that she was offering to lie to their boss for him. "The truth Abby. Tell him the truth." He replied quietly. She looked even more worried than before. "He'd find out eventually."

"But Tony," she began to whine, "I already have one friend on an autopsy table…I don't want another there too!" she cried, sounding slightly panicked.

A slight, sad smile curved his lips. "At least then I'd be with her." He responded, turning around and heading for the door.

Abby bit her lip…but when he reached the door and was about to leave, she couldn't hold the question any longer. "Did you tell her?" she asked.

Tony stopped, turning to look at Abby. He knew what she was asking…if he'd told Kate that he loved her. "No Abbs…I never told her. But it looks like I wasn't the only one keeping secrets."

He left, walking to his desk and sitting down…staring at the now empty desk that had been Kate's.

"_Gibbs!" Kate cried, sitting up and breathing hard. She stood up and looked at Gibbs' empty desk, her nightmare still fresh in her mind. "Oh God…"_

_Tony, who'd been crouched beside her with a hand outstretched to wake her up, stood as well and looked at her worried face. "You dream about Gibbs?" he asked, a trace of jealousy in his voice as he watched her._

"_What?" she asked in confusion, looking over at him as she pushed her hair out of her eyes. "No, God no." she added, moving closer to Gibbs' desk._

"_You just said his name." he bit out._

_Kate looked back at him. "No I didn't." she replied. She looked up at him, wishing that he wasn't sounding and looking so jealous of a man that she thought of as more of a father figure than anything else._

Tony swallowed hard at the memory. She told him everything later that day…and his jealousy had disappeared. He'd known she was stressed about everyone thinking that Ari was coming after Gibbs…and it had caused her nightmare.

He scrubbed at his face, wishing that he didn't feel anything right now.

- -

Abby stopped in front of Tony's desk, looking worried. "Are you sure you want me to tell him?" she asked in a low voice. "I have no problems with lying to Gibbs when it might save your life." She sounded pleading, not wanting to risk putting him in harm's way.

Tony smiled a little at her concern, but it was an empty smile, void of all emotion but pain and sadness. "You have to tell him Abbs…he'd only figure it out some other way."

"Well, did you find anything out yet Abbs?" Gibbs asked, looking up from his computer screen.

With one last glance at Tony, she nervously made her way to Gibbs' desk. She shifted uncomfortably and bit her bottom lip. "The baby's father is… What I mean to say is, I made a positive match and it was to…" she trailed off, biting her lip again.

"Spit it out Abbs." Gibbs growled, sounding as impatient as any of them had heard him in a while.

Abby shifted uncomfortably again and bit her lip. "Please don't make me do this!" she cried. While she still looked at Gibbs, Tony knew that her statement had been aimed at him.

"Don't make you do what?" Gibbs snapped angrily.

"Just promise you won't go on a killing spree when you hear who the father is. It was their choice and you have no reason to be angry at him for it." Abby finally said, her voice a little stronger than before.

"As long as it's not that Ari bastard's kid I don't really care who the father is! He has the right to know and that's why you were doing the DNA test." Gibbs replied.

"I want your promise Gibbs," Abby insisted.

"I promise." He bit out, glaring up at her. "Now, tell me who the father is so I can call him and explain what happened."

Abby bit her lip. "Actually, the father already knows what happened…he came forward and told me to test the baby's DNA against his."

"The baby's mine." Tony stated, even as McGee cried, "Don't look at me!" because Gibbs had glanced at him.

Gibbs rose slowly to his feet; he braced his hands on his desk and leaned over it to look at Tony. No one else moved. "What did you just say?" he asked in a lethally soft voice.

Tony raised his head and looked over at Gibbs. "I said that the baby was mine." He stated in the same, quiet voice that he'd spoken with before.

Abby placed herself protectively in front of Tony when Gibbs stated to move around his desk. "You promised that you wouldn't hurt him." She reminded him.

"I did not." Gibbs replied, sending her a sly, and very evil, smile. "I promised I wouldn't go on a killing spree…killing him alone is not considered a killing spree…that would be killing more than one individual. Besides, a party is what I had in mind." He smiled chillingly at Tony.

"One he won't live long enough to forget." She replied, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. But she stood her ground, sending him a look that said that if he harmed Tony she'd never forgive him. "If I know you, and I do, as we speak you're numbering Tony's days. So I want you to promise me, right here, right now, that you won't kill him."

Gibbs studied her for a moment before giving a slight nod. "Fine, you have my promise that I will not kill DiNozzo." He replied easily…_too_ easily.

Abby's eyes narrowed as she looked up at him. "Also promise me that you will never cripple, maim, dismember, blind, torture, bleed, or otherwise inflict any injury on Tony. _Or_ stand by while someone else does as you watch…or walk away, knowing that any of that will happen to him without you watching."

"That's not fair!" he growled, glaring down at her.

"I guess it's good that I didn't just accept that first agreement…now, _promise!_" she responded angrily, poking him in the chest with her finger.

He made an exasperated noise in his throat, rolling his eyes. "Fine! You obviously learned to cover all your bases." He grumbled angrily, looking down at her.

Abby smiled a little. "I learned from the best." She turned to glance at Tony, who had since risen to his feet and was standing in front of his desk.

He'd been going to stop Abby some time ago, but had decided not to and to see how far she would take this, how persistent she was going to be. He gave a slight nod at her worried expression and she moved out of Gibbs' way.

Gibbs stopped in front of him. "Tell me why I shouldn't fire you right now, since killing or otherwise harming you isn't an option?" he asked, still sounding slightly angry.

Tony shrugged, unable to find the will to care about whether Gibbs fired him of not…in truth, it would be better if he did. Then Tony would have to look over at Kate's desk every day and think about how she was never coming back. "What's it matter if you do or don't?" he asked quietly, looking past Gibbs and staring sadly at the empty desk across from his. "I've already lost everything that really matters…"

That wasn't an answer Gibbs had been expecting, but he wouldn't allow any of them to see that it had caught him off-guard. He studied Tony for a moment, before slowly shaking his head. "Don't let this change you Tony…she wouldn't have wanted that." With those soft words spoken, he walked away.

Tony watched him leave before going to sit in his chair again, only to stare at Kate's desk once again.

Abby walked over and around his desk. She stopped behind him and bent down to wrap her arms around his shoulders in a hug. "I'm sorry Tony…I'm so sorry." She whispered, feeling tears burning her eyes.

He forced a smile, reaching up to pat her arm. "Yeah, so am I Abbs…so am I."

It was almost an hour before Gibbs returned, a cup of coffee in each hand. Abby was seated by Tony, looking over the file he had on his desk while his eyes constantly drifted to the empty desk across from his. McGee was standing by Tony's desk, walking back to his to check his own files before walking back over to converse with his teammates with what he thought about something.

Gibbs walked over, causing McGee and Abby to jump since neither had been paying any attention, but getting nothing from Tony. He sat one cup in front of him. "Drink something." He told him quietly before moving to his desk.

McGee walked to his own desk, taking his seat again and pulling his file a little closer.

Abby stood up, kissing Tony on the top of his head, before pushing her chair back to where she'd gotten it from. "I'll see you later Tony." She murmured, looking at him with worry before sending Gibbs a quick look and walking away.

They sat in silence for several minutes before Gibbs finally looked over at Tony. "Tell me DiNozzo, how long did you think you'd be able to keep you relationship with Kate out of the office? Let's say she wasn't…pregnant. How long did you think you would be able to go through with watching her put herself in danger before you snapped and we all found out?" he asked, hoping to pull the old Tony back.

Tony had pulled into himself some time ago, barely hearing what anyone else said. But what Gibbs said had penetrated the thick haze that had closed around his brain once again. He didn't take his eyes off Kate's desk when he answered him though. "We've kept it out of the office for over a year boss. None of you suspected a thing…so I think we would have been fine until she'd have started showing."

Gibbs blinked. They'd been in a relationship for over a year now? Well, it looked like he wasn't as observant as he'd always thought he was.

**- -**

With a gasp Tony sat up in his bed. His dream still lingered, but just out of his reach. He couldn't remember what had happened; only that it had been frightening. A life without Kate…that was all he could remember about it.

There was a feather soft touch on his arm…her hand. She sat up, wiping the sleep from her eyes and frowning at him. "What is it Tony?" she asked, leaning closer to him and reaching up to touch his cheek lightly.

He shook his head, looking over at her. She was clutching the sheet to her chest, her hair a mess, and her eyes hazy from sleep. He reached up to stroke her cheek. "I just had a bad dream, love. But it's better now." With a smile he leaned closer and kissed her gently.

Kate smiled at him when he pulled back, snuggling against him when he wrapped one arm around her waist. With the other hand, he reached up to play with her hair, twisting it between his fingers.

It was several minutes before either realized the position they were in…and they noticed it at the same time. Kate was curled against his side, her cheek pressed to his chest as he leaned against the headboard of the bed, and her hand curled into a fist in the sheet while pressed against him stomach.

Her eyes widened and, for a moment, she wondered about what would happen if she lowered her hand a little…before she jumped when that part of him stirred to life. She looked up at him with slightly wide eyes, a blush finding her cheeks. While they'd been in a relationship for a little over a year, she was still wasn't used to a life as Tony's lover.

He chuckled, pulling her closer. "Even after all this time, you're still too modest." He murmured before his mouth closed over hers.

**- - -**

Tony walked into work, Kate at his side. They were involved in their usual at-work-banter, pretending to try and provoke and annoy the other, when really all they wanted to do was smile at one another and not have to pretend in front of their friends.

They argued with each other throughout the day, and worried about the other while chasing after Ari. Kate was protecting Gibbs, since they all knew Ari had made Gibbs his new target.

Tony tried not to worry about her as they stood between the large buildings, trying to find out which one Ari's men were hiding in. After Gibbs found out which building Ari's men were working in, Tony kept one eye on Kate and the other on anything else that moved.

A chill ran down his spine when they reached the roof. There was something about this that reminded him of…well, what it reminded him of, he wasn't certain. But he knew that whatever it was, it wasn't good. It seemed as though there were an alarm flashing in his head, telling him to be on alert at all times, no matter what.

Then it happened…someone shot at Gibbs and Kate jumped in the way.

Fear swamped Tony as he rushed to her side, stuffing his pistol back into the holster. He noticed that his hands were shaking, not much, but they were. He gently rolled her over, his heart pounding. When she groaned and squeezed her eyes closed he briefly felt relief wash over him.

But that alarm in his head was even worse now, almost to the point where it sounded like someone was screeching in his head.

He unzipped her jacket and shoved the fabric out of his way, his eyes scanning for the bullet. When he found it, Gibbs was beside of him already. Gibbs let out a sigh even as Tony asked, "Are you ok?" He kept most of the worry out of his tone, but it was there on the undercurrent of his words.

He knew there was something wrong…very, very wrong. He wasn't sure if it was with her, but there was something that just wasn't right about this situation.

"Ow!" she groaned, making a face at Tony as she turned her head to look at him. "I just got shot at, at point blank range DiNozzo, what do you think?" she asked him. She frowned a little at the look on his face, but didn't ask him was the problem was.

Tony forced a smile, trying to shake off the feeling that he should be on high alert now, like the alarm in his head seemed to be screaming. "You're not going to palates class tomorrow?" he suggested, trying to make the question sound light and teasing, but it came out with that tense undercurrent.

"Ow!" Kate groaned as Tony and Gibbs helped her to her feet.

"Protection detail is over Kate." Gibbs told her as he pushed the material of her jacket out of the way so he could find the bullet once again. He said it in a voice they all knew. It was one that told them they weren't going to argue because it wasn't going to get them anywhere…but there was still relief in his words and a slight smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

Tony felt a slight twinge of jealousy at seeing Gibbs standing so close to Kate with his hands too close to parts of her that Tony didn't want him touching…but it was drowned out by the alarm in his head, which had started going completely crazy. He smiled at Kate, a strained smile, but he tried. "You did good." He complimented her.

Kate glanced at him over her shoulder, smiling back. But then she noticed how his eyes seemed to be scanning the rooftop once again and his stance was tense. His hand rested on his pistol. She looked at him in confusion, but he looked a little confused as well.

"For once, DiNozzo's right." Gibbs commented with a smile, glancing up at her.

Kate looked down at him, even as he straightened a little more so they were about eye level. She laughed teasingly, glancing at Tony once again. "Wow! I thought I die before-"

Their words snapped Tony out of it…and he suddenly knew why the alarm in his head was ten times as bad now…his dream. With a glance toward the building next to them, he saw movement. "No!" the word seemed to be ripped from him. His eyes widened and he grabbed Kate around the waist, pulling her hard against his chest and backing up with her.

"Tony!" Kate cried, her hands grasping his forearms even as the bullet whizzed past where her head had once been.

Tony fell to the ground, Kate landing on top of him, even as Gibbs pulled out his pistol and turned to the building next to them.

When he saw the slightest bit of movement, he started shooting.

Tony held Kate tight against him, fear making his arms refuse to let her go. He squeezed his eyes closed and tried to calm his quaking nerves. He could feel the slight tremble in his arms, but couldn't stop it. All that kept running through his head was that he'd almost lost her.

Kate tried to look at Tony, but his arms were like a cage around her, unyielding and not letting her up. "Tony…are you alright?" she asked, fearing that perhaps he'd gotten hit.

He let out a shaky, angry laugh but didn't release her. "Am I alright?" he asked. His laughter was gone in an instant and what was left was his quickly raising fury. "You almost got shot and you're asking _me_ if I'm alright?" His arms had since stopped trembling out of fear and were nearly shaking with rage. He turned her around in his arms so he could look at her face.

Kate saw the anger there, and a lot of anger. She saw hatred for Ari there. There were so many emotions that she wasn't used to seeing on his face that it caught her off guard. "Tony…" she whispered, not sure what to tell him. Since she had no words to tell him what she suddenly felt, she leaned down and brushed her lips across his. For a moment, he seemed to relax…but then his arms banded around her like steel.

"My God…I almost lost you." He whispered raggedly in her ear, holding her as close as he could.

"But you didn't. You saved me Tony." She whispered.

Gibbs slowly backed toward them, his eyes still scanning the other building and his pistol still trained for any movement. "I don't see him anymore. I shot the bastard though." With one hand on his pistol, he called for backup and sent them to the other building to search for Ari.

Tony stood up, but made Kate lie on the ground until the call came in saying that Ari had escaped, but they'd seen him getting into a black SUV and driving away. One of them even got the license plate number.

Gibbs had a bolo put on the vehicle.

Tony helped Kate to her feet and walked her out of the building, to the car, put her in the car, and waited for Gibbs. Gibbs was driving, Tony was in the passenger seat, and Kate was lying down in the back since Tony wouldn't let her sit up.

Kate glanced out the window as best she could. "We're almost back to headquarters, I think it'll be alright if I sit up now." She murmured, glancing at Tony.

Tony turned around a little to glare at her. "You'll be doing no such thing. We've no idea where Ari is and he could be following us, waiting for the moment you sit up so he can shoot you in the head." He snapped, his anger at Ari putting him in a right foul temper.

Kate stared at him. "Tony, you can't possibly intend for me to lie back here all day…eventually I'll need to get out and get back to work." She told him, hoping that he would see reason.

"I have to agree with Tony on one thing." Gibbs stated, getting a surprised look from not only Kate, but Tony as well. "We don't know where Ari is…but he'll not be following us, waiting to shoot her." He looked over at Tony, shaking his head when the younger man went to say something. "I shot the bastard, he'll be seeing to his wounds for now, and then he'll strike. But when he does, we'll be ready for him." He assured the younger man.

Tony grumbled angrily and crossed his arms over his chest like an angry, pouting child who'd not gotten his way. When Kate sat up, he scanned every vehicle they passed, not wanting to take too many chances and risk losing Kate when they were so close to NCIS headquarters.

When they got there, Gibbs pulled into the evidence garage in the hopes of possibly calming Tony's nerves. He watched as Tony got out and opened Kate's door for her before walking her to the elevator. With a sigh he went to park the car, wondering all the while about Tony's odd behavior and trying to suppress his own rage at Ari attempting to murder one of his team members.

Tony walked Kate to her desk and shifted uncomfortably; staring at the large windows right beside of them and wondering if he should take her down to autopsy…where there were no windows.

Kate followed Tony's gaze and sighed. "He's not going to be sitting out in the parking lot with a sniper or something aimed at my head." She complained quietly, or at least tried to make it sound like she was complaining. On the outside she looked annoyed, but on the inside she was jumping up and down with joy. His reaction made her think that maybe he felt more than just meager feelings of lust for her.

Tony scowled at her. "You couldn't possibly know that. For all we know he had a first aid kit in the passenger seat and has bound whatever wounds Gibbs gave him and is sitting out there right now." He thought for a moment before taking her by the elbow once again. "Maybe I should take you down to autopsy, there aren't any windows there. While I trust Abby to do all in her power to keep you safe, there's still a window in her lab."

"If it makes you feel any better DiNozzo, we'll get bullet proof glass." Gibbs stated as he walked past them, a cup of coffee in hand.

"No such thing Boss." Tony called over his shoulder absentmindedly, still looking out the window.

Gibbs sighed and walked up behind him. He removed his hands from Kate's elbow, walked her behind her desk and sat her down, before pushing Tony in the direction of his desk. "Bullet resistant glass then." He replied.

Tony attempted to concentrate on his work after assignments were handed out, but found it nearly impossible. Anyone who'd heard about it ran in to tell Kate how happy they were that she was alright, and anyone who hadn't know quickly found out and then ran in to tell Kate how happy they were that she was alright. On top of all that, Tony was still worried over whether Kate was really safe, but he seemed to be the only one.

But he loved her.

He had remembered every detail of his dream when he'd heard their words on the rooftop…including the worst pain he'd ever known, and he wasn't willing to go through that again.

One very important thing he'd remembered was that, in his dream, Kate was pregnant. And he wasn't sure if she was or not, but he was looking at her with new eyes now, trying to see if there was any change in her. It wasn't long before the task took all of his concentration…and soon, sure enough, he found something different. There was a slight glow about her that he'd never noticed before.

After a while, Kate said she needed to talk to Abby about something and excused herself.

Tony could tell that she was a little nervous and, while everyone else probably thought that it had to do with her nearly being shot; he had the feeling that there was another reason behind it. He waited a little while, concentrating on his work. He could have laughed when he came across something that he needed to take to Abby. Biting back a smile he told Gibbs where he was headed and went down.

Kate was laughing, Abby squealed before throwing her arms around Kate's neck as she went on about how happy she was for her.

Tony smiled, arching on eyebrow as he strode into the room. "What's so wonderful that it has Abby nearly bouncing up and down?" he asked, smiling wider when the two women jumped and turned to look at him.

"I swear you're turning into Gibbs with each passing day, Tony!" Abby cried, glaring at him as he moved closer to her.

"It's not an attractive feature." Kate whispered as she passed him. She waved over her shoulder and said something about coming to see Abby later and seeing Tony when he got back upstairs before disappearing around the corner.

Tony heard the ding of the elevator as it opened up for Kate. "I need you to run a fingerprint analysis or a DNA scan on this for me." He stated, holding up a small evidence bag.

Abby studied the small item for a moment before turning back to her work. "Will do, Tony. I'll call you when and if I get something."

Tony was quiet for a moment. "So what did Kate tell you that had you jumping around in excitement?" he asked innocently, trying to mask his curiosity.

"Girl stuff." She replied curtly, telling him that she wasn't about to tell him anything about what Kate had said.

"I love her."

Abby looked over at him, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "You've been keeping secrets from me Anthony DiNozzo." She stated in an accusing tone.

"I s Kate keeping secrets from me?" he asked, staring down at her.

Abby smiled again. "Women always keep secrets…but she's planning on telling you when you leave tonight." She replied with an almost giddy expression.

"Is she pregnant?" he asked without hesitation. He knew that Abby would be the first person that Kate would tell about something that big.

Abby blinked in shock. Her mouth opened, closed, then opened again but still, nothing came out.

"I had a dream last night." Tony stated, feeling the need to explain to her so that she wouldn't have to lie to him. "It was about this morning. Kate got shot by Ari…every detail was the same on that rooftop. When Ducky did the autopsy, he found out she was pregnant. That's how I knew Ari was going to try and shoot her this morning…I don't know how, but I suddenly remembered my dream when Gibbs said something about me being right. I saw him moving on the opposite rooftop and knew what he was going to do. I almost lost her."

"But you didn't." she replied quietly, moving over to hug him. "Tell her how you feel Tony; it'll make everything she has to say easier to tell you if she knows you love her."

Tony watched the clock, trying his hardest to get as much work done as possible. When Kate glanced at him before saying she was going to head home and gathering her stuff, he finished what he was doing and said he was going to call it a night too.

They walked out together and she told him she'd run home, changing into something more comfortable, and drop her things off before coming over to his place.

On his way home he bought two dozen roses and as many petals as he could…then, he went home and set to work on making everything perfect.

But the time the elevator opened and she stepped out, he was composed on the outside, but a nervous wreck on the inside. She was surprised, but smiled seeing him standing outside the door, waiting for her.

He gave her a quick kiss before covering her eyes and murmuring that he had a surprise for her before opening the door and gently pushing her inside. Closing the door, he moved to her side so he could see her expression and dropped his hand.

She looked surprised at first, and then smiled as she looked around the room full of scattered candles and roses. A dinner for two was set out for them and they ate as they talked about anything and everything.

When they were finished, Tony jumped up and quickly cleaned everything up while telling her not to move from her chair. When he was finished with that, he took her hands and drew her to her feet before pulling her into the living room where he turned on her favorite music, pulled her into his arms and spun her around the room.

Finally though, the time he'd been so nervous about came. He sat her on the couch before disappearing into his bedroom for a few moments. When he came back out, he was as composed as ever, an easy smile on his face. He swallowed hard before smiling and pulling her to his closed bedroom door. She was the only woman to ever see the inside of his home, and he wanted to leave it that way.

Standing her in front of the door, he reached past her to push it open and held his breath as he waited to see her reaction.

Kate stood in wonder, looking in through the open doorway. Scented candles lit the room and rose petals covered the floor and bed, leaving only a small path leading to the massive, four poster black satin covered bed. On top of the rose petals, sitting on the bed, was a small box with a bow around it.

Smiling before kissing him and telling him everything was perfect, she moved forward and gently touched a few of the rose petals of red, white, and yellow. Reaching out, she carefully ran her finger over the bow as though it was the most fragile thing in the world.

"Go on, open it." Tony encouraged her quietly from where he stood in the doorway, watching her to see what her reaction would be.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and, cradling the box in her lap, carefully undid the bow and opened the box. There was a moment where neither moved nor breathed…and then Kate carefully pulled out the tiny, velvet box and opened it up.

"I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He whispered, holding up the diamond ring that had been burning a hole in his pocket all night long…and in his stand for over two months now.

Kate raised her eyes and watched as he moved closer and lowered himself to one knee in front of her, holding the ring out to her. "Oh, Tony…" she whispered, tears starting to cloud her vision.

"Say yes and I promise that you'll be the first and last woman to ever sleep in this bed or even to step foot into my home." He told her quietly, the promise of forever in his eyes.

"Oh Tony…yes. I love you so much." She whispered. The moment he slid the ring on her finger, she threw herself at him, kissing him fiercely. "Oh!" she cried out, pulling back. Suddenly, she was wary as she looked into his eyes. "How do you feel about kids?" she asked slowly.

Tony beamed. "I want as many as you're willing to give me." He told her as he helped her up and moved so they were sitting on his bed again.

Kate smiled, looking relieved. "That's good because, Tony…I'm pregnant! I found out this morning." She told him, sound as excited as he'd ever heard her.

Tony grinned and kissed her.

Later, as he held her close against his side, he thought about everything he'd been through in the past couple of days. He'd dreamt about losing Kate, almost lost her, asked her to marry him, and they were having a baby. The only dark spot was the thought of telling Gibbs in the morning…but he wasn't going to worry about that right now.

For now, he was going to think happy thoughts…because never again was he going to feel the pain of losing all he'd ever loved.

_-The next morning-_

Tony held Kate's hand as they watched Gibbs' guarded expression. They told him about their relationship and were waiting for the bellowing about how they weren't supposed to get involved with co-workers.

They were both shocked and relieved when Gibbs looked back at his computer screen and mumbled, "It's about time," a small smile curving his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is a massive update for anyone reading my stories:**

**It was recently brought to my attention that someone had stolen one of my stories and, only making the smallest amount of changes possible, was passing it off on their own. I alerted the site to this plagiarism, but so far nothing has been done. The other author updated their story recently, telling me that the site has so far done nothing concerning this problem. If nothing is done about this within the next few weeks, I've come to the decision that I will delete my account on here and never again put anything on this website.**

**To anyone who still wishes to read what I write, I will happily accept a message with an email or even if you just want to give me your profile url and I'll be happy to continue writing elsewhere and send you the link where you can find my stories as long as no one steals my stuff to post it on here (if there are any particular kind of stories, a certain movie or book, tell me and I'll message you whenever I write something to do with it). If I find out something like that happens, I'll be done writing online for sure.**

**I hope this matter is resolved, because I love writing on here and getting reviews, I only wish I got more. ****I get author alerts or story alerts, but I would love more reviews. In reality, reviews only trickle in little by little and while it's nice to be put on someone's alert list, that doesn't tell me how I'm going or give me anything to think about doing for the next chapters. If you like my stories, please REVIEW and tell me how much you like them, things you want me to do, suggestions for a spin-off story(or stories)...anything will be fine.**

**Well, lets just hope this gets fixed.**

**Dara Tavar  
**


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